Doula "Ministry"

When I think back 5 1/2 years to when my adventure of becoming a doula was only beginning I laugh to myself and think I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. I really don't know when the moment happened when I knew I wanted to be a doula. I know it was strengthened after giving birth to Obi. I had such an amazing experience with my midwife, and I longed to help women to have the best possible experience they could have as well. When I had Izzy I hired a doula. My friend Tanya was friends with a doula and told me what a doula was. The idea appealed to me most because I wanted to know I would have someone with me, even if Joel was stuck at work and couldn't leave right away. My doula Jacquie helped me to make some very important decisions in my labour that I know saved me from ending up with an induction and more than likely an intervention-ridden labour. I was grateful to her. Also to Sharon my back up doula who ended up supporting me when I actually gave birth to Izzy. I remember being terrified and not thinking I could do it. Then when I was able to push her out it was SO empowering. It changed how I saw myself. I gave me strength...or more likely made me realize the strength I already had and didn't know about.

Anyway, I digress :) My doula journey has been incredible. My births have ranged from 37 + hours, births ending in cesarean, to a recent birth where I met the client at the hospital and she had the baby moments later. Birth fascinates and astounds me. It is one of the most intimate events that ever occurs for a couple. I often find myself in that precious hour after birth taking pictures and writing down phrases that the new parents murmur to each other as they dote on their brand new creations. I almost feel like I shouldn't be allowed to witness such an intimate event. I realize the sacredness of birth and that I am VERY honoured to be a part of it. I know that those pictures I take, and those phrases that I include in the birth story are appreciated by the couple. I am very careful to stay out of the way while the new family bonds with their baby for those special first moments.

The unpredictability of birth is something I've written about several times. To me it is the most frustrating and yet the most intriguing things about birth. You just NEVER know. It seems when I think I've got a handle on how birth "works" my next birth will turn that upside down and I'm left wondering "what on earth CAN I tell a woman about...." whatever. I no longer tell women "transition is the worst, but shortest part of labour" because I've attended a birth where a woman was in transition for 3 hours. The shaking, the vomiting, the "I can't do it anymore". After several very long labours this year I began talking with clients (especially first time clients) about the importance of going on with life when early labour begins, eating, drinking, resting. Not to focus on and time every single contraction in the early stages because this stage can last anywhere from 2 hours to 2 hours or more. "You'll notice when you (or your partner) gets into active labour...their focus will change, they won't be able to talk through contractions etc.". Then I have a client like the one two weeks ago that ends up pushing while she's still at home and I haven't joined them yet because she still wasn't feeling too uncomfortable. Thankfully they did make it to the hospital in time (with a whole lot of PRAYER from their doula :)

When I became a doula my main goal was to EMPOWER women. Yes, I love the babies, but I do the job for my love for women, and for them to come out of their births with a positive experience (even if things don't turn out the way she expects). If I can help her to have a voice in her birth, if I can help her to trust in her body, if I can help her to find that strength deep inside, then I feel that I've done my job. The thing I didn't realize (or maybe I did right from the start, but just never put a name on it), was that my doula job is much MORE than a job; it's a ministry.

There are few moments in a person's life where they are more vulnerable than in labour & delivery. Few times when the words spoken, the way she is treated, the way she feels supported matter more than at her birthing. I've really learned that what women need most during labour and birthing their babies is not a certain massage tool, or counter pressure (although those things are very helpful), what she needs most is LOVE. At my recent doula conference, Kathy McGrath said "It's all about the love". It's SO true. What a woman needs is someone who will be there, standing by her, knowing exactly what she's going through (because she's been there too), just loving her through it. I'm amazed by the way God allows me to tune in to a labouring woman and anticipate what she needs. Whether it's words of encouragement, a gentle touch, a cold cloth. When I head to a birth I pray for sensitivity to that. More than anything, I pray that God will use me. That I will get to be His hands, His heart to her as she goes through this time of great labour. God honours that. He really does. I find that He gives me so much LOVE for my clients in labour that it often surprises me. It's also very difficult at times.

There are times when I want nothing more than to protect a woman and to take her pain away. There are times when I am in tears listening to her cry. Through Owen's Light (an awesome charitable foundation in our area that funds doulas for women who can't afford them in the county; single moms, teen moms), the gift of loving them can be even harder. Often the women I support through the foundation don't have the support systems in place that clients I support through my business do. My heart goes out to them even more. Today on a blog I read often:
http://sarahthedoula.blogspot.com/, Sarah talks to a woman who is just starting out on her doula journey and wants to help women who are at "higher risk". Here are her words:

"This is a different kind of doula work and some days it is excruciating. Some days you wonder if you're crazy, and if you'll ever find the strength to do another birth. Your mind can tell you it's worth it, and your soul can know that God is calling you to this ministry, but your heart just aches with the heaviness of their hurt. Sometimes, even when you offer EVERYTHING, and you pour out all your love, it still isn't enough".

That's exactly how I feel sometimes. That I just can't do enough. Control freak Mel wants to make everything better, but I can only do so much. I think it must be somewhat like parenting. You raise your kids, you try to protect them, but you CAN'T protect them from everything, you can only pray and LOVE them through it. The rest is up to God.

SO there it is. Doula business is my ministry. I love it. It's in my blood. I also realize that it is tough and demanding work (not without great rewards), but it's still tough. In the 19 births I've attended so far I've always been amazed by how much a birth takes out of me. Physically and emotionally. Whether it's 30 plus hours that I've been with a couple, or 3 hours. I think that's because when you put your heart and soul into something, it's hard work.

Thank You Lord for so obviously drawing me into this ministry. Thank You for giving me Your heart for these couples. Thank You for the privilege of being a witness to the miracle of birth.
Give me the strength to continue even when I feel worn out.

Melanie