Surrender

I read this quote in my International Doula magazing today. I really like it:

"Of all life's events, birth and death are probably the least controllable." Susan Toffolon

The idea that birth is not able to be controlled is something that oddly enough attracts me to my job. Me, the woman who likes to be in control :) I like the fact (and hate it also) that I have no control over what happens during the labour and birth experience. I mean, I can help a woman and her partner to cope with the pain of labour, but I have no control over what happens with her and her baby and neither does she. The main key for labouring moms is to surrender to the experience and to allow her body to do what it was designed to do. This is the most difficult thing in the world to do (at least I don't think many women are entirely comfortable with this idea).

I will never forget the feeling of being 'out of control' during birth. This is especially true when the urge to push hits. It is also called the "fetal ejection reflex" and is something that cannot be forced, and it also can not be denied. At one of the births I attended I head a nurse tell my client that 'pushing contractions' do 90% of the work of pushing the baby out, and mom's pushing efforts amount to only 10% of the effort. For anyone who has seen a mother pushing with all her might, this is an incredible idea. I believe it entirely. I pushed with Obi before I had the urge, and it was awful. I ended up swelling back to 8 cm, it's amazing how the body naturally knows when it's safely time to push the baby out by producing the urge to push. I had a client once who never had the urge to push, even when fully dilated. We were to learn hours later that the baby was in a position that never would have allowed for a vaginal birth.

The body is an incredible thing. Birth is an incredible thing. I also believe with all my heart that we are blessed to have medical interventions that we can turn to when the body doesn't seem to be functioning on it's own, or when the baby decides to come down the birth canal in the wrong position. I've been to several births, where if the ability to resusitate, or the ability to intervene with a surgical birth have saved the lives of babies and moms. It makes me sad to see doula's getting a bad rap in the press because they speak for their clients, or make their clients feel guilty when they ask for pain medication or a cesarean section. This is the reason why some of the hospitals I work in I have to 'prove myself' before nurses are willing to allow me to be a welcomed presence in the birthing room. There has to be balance. As with anything in life, there needs to be balance. I'm all for allowing a mom time to let her body work to bring her baby into the world naturally, but I've also seen how pain medication can allow a woman to dilate 5 cm in 20 minutes because it allows her to relax, and I've seen a baby born by cesarean that never would have made it into the world on his own. I think that the best caregivers are those that are balanced, and don't try to control birth, but also know when to step in when something goes wrong. The ones who give moms all the facts for the interventions that they are suggesting, so that moms and partners can make informed decisions and feel like they can at least have a say in their birth experience, even when it doesn't turn out the way they expected.

I wonder if this entire post is a contradiction, i wonder if it makes any sense? Anyway, I'm just shooting out some of the thoughts flying around my brain today. That's the way birth is eh? Unpredicatable...makes you question everything you thought was true in the beginning. I guess the key is surrendering the whole experience to God and trusting Him to carry you through it.

Mel