Fresh Brewed Life

Here it is...the book that I am studying at heart to heart this session. This book is absolutely incredible, life-changing just like my study leader said it would be. The book is all about helping you to awaken to God and also to yourself through the process of journaling. I've just finished reading chapter three and I'm absolutely adoring the book (although I'm finding it very difficult to read a chapter every week...I haven't been getting all of my directed journaling questions done...it's just too much).

This past week the chapter was called "Listen to your longings". She talks about how there are areas in our lives that we cannot get filled outside of God. That we try to temporarily fill these spaces (by purchasing things, eating chocolate, or whatever other things we try to fill ourselves with), but that these measures...and others, are not what our souls crave. She says we have the longing to be filled, the longing to be known and the longing for heaven. That God actually creates us with these 'holes' that only He can fill...and these longings draw us to Him and have since the day He created us. I know I've written blogs before along the same lines, but the way she pulls everything together is so exactly what I feel.

This book is thrilling me. It is causing me to look at my relationship with God on a whole new level (as a romance, not just a father-daughter relationship). I think the part that stuck out most this week was about how we want to be known, to be pursued and embraced passionately. That's why we love romantic movies so much, or we read romantic novels, we see these men fulfilling all of these longings in the women in the stories. She says "They cast men in a role only God can fill, and it's no wonder we come away disappointed in our husbands" (p. 57). Everyone uses different methods to try to fill the longings of their souls, but turning to God is the only way we will ever feel complete because "we're made to want more". It's no accident, we're not failing in any way.

She mentions that our longing for heaven, for perfection and union with God is what leaves the ache even when we are in moments of pure happiness. Like those trips away that you plan for a year, and you dream of for months and months. You go on the trip, and yes, you have a wonderful time, but don't you still feel like a part of yourself is unsatisfied? Some unexplainable measure of sadness? It's supposed to be that way. Unfortunately, we want heaven and on earth we're not going to get more than a taste of heaven and that makes us ache.

So incredible. So true.

I am so blessed. I don't know if I've ever shared about my encounter with God on here (it happened before my blogging days), but one day last June I actually looked into the eyes of God (through my dear sister in law Kath). I was at a point in my life where I was having a dry period with God and just couldn't feel like I could connect with Him. Kath was explaining about a chapter in the Bible that had been speaking to her so intensely and I asked how she could read a chapter and feel God speaking to her in such a direct way. She looked me right in the eyes and said "I just ask". Then her eyes changed. It was absolutely incredible...a miracle. It was Christ looking at me. I started to cry and we clung to each other. I was crying to hard my body was actually shaking. Kath was speaking words to me that were from God...just affirming me, loving me, encouraging me. It broke me. Not in a bad and hurtful way, but in a total MELTING down way. Of all my defenses, all my insecurities, all the walls and the blindness of my heart was GONE for that moment. It was indescribable. When I finally stopped sobbing and shaking, Kath looked at me (it was Kath again) and said "God just looked at me through your eyes". I started to bawl again (but was laughing and smiling at the same time)...YOU TOO I said. I couldn't believe we'd shared the same experience and I hadn't said a word to her about what was going on in me. I remember Joel asking if I was okay (not having any idea what was going on...he was sitting on the other side of me). I was better than I had ever been before. In that moment I understood how much God loved me, I saw it and felt it with every part of my soul. It was truly a supernatural moment.

I remember heading back to our campground afterwards and sharing the experience with some close friends who were wondering what was up with me because my face was GLOWING. I remember wanting to burn that memory into my heart. I never wanted to forget what that felt like. And here I am...9 months later and it's still as real to me as that day...I'm shaking as I write this.

So when Nicole writes at the end of the chapter about heaven, and finally having our treasure, I feel like I already know how incredible that will be (at least in a small way...I know it will be even better). She says "all of our hungers, all of our longings will melt in the power of His gaze when it meets ours"...I've experienced this! She says she can hardly imagine it, "we will be whole, filled, and satisfied. All of our pain, every last ounce of our sorrow, any emptiness that we have felt will vanish like the morning dew"p. 68. Let me tell you, my encounter with God made me yearn for heaven in a way I'd never known before. You know, when you're growing up and you think "I want to be married before I leave this earth, I want to have children before I leave the earth.. etc etc". At that moment the only thing I wanted more of was God, and to be held in that gaze once more.

Okay. I have to be honest here and tell you that I'm feeling very vulnerable right now. I know a lot of my readers do not necessarily believe in God and maybe you think I'm crazy. I also somewhat feel like I'm sharing such an intimate part of my soul that I shouldn't be sharing. But, I also feel that I'm so blessed that God has revealed Himself to me in that way and that I should be sharing it with other people. I just yearn for people to know Him and how they can have a personal relationship with Him as well. Because God yearns to hold everyone in His arms and fill their every longing as well. HE LOVES YOU!

There, I've preached my sermon :) It's not like I forced you to read it...

Heehee

Love your sister,
Mel